Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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