One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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