just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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