So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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