Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize