So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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