Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize