I wish my penis had an off switch
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize