if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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