I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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