yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize