just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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