Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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