pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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