Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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