There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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