Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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