I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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