You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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