eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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