He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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