I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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