I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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