we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
COCAINE IS GR8
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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