ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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