i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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