I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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