I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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