he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
soo... how was my night?
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