Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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