Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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