Your tits are I can't wait for
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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