Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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