we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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