We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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