Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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