im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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