I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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