Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize