The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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