she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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