According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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