Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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