Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize