mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Randomize