White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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