That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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