There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize