I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize