first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I died a long time ago.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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